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Posts Tagged ‘weight loss’

I find myself in struggle mode with food lately.

I don’t like the word struggle. I like to think that I usually observe whatever’s going on and accept that it IS, and move forward with how I’d like the next moment to be.

With this old and deep seated rut of food, it’s just not that easy. Sometimes I feel like I’ve just jumped back in it and can’t get my wheels to pop out.

I sit and wonder if it’s the season, the weather, the time of the month. I try to make sure I’m not falling back into “It’s you, stupid. See I told you so.” That pretty much stays away. But I can get rather panicky and then start casting about for rigid solutions to the food thing.

I’m not sure if that’s the right thing to do. But I know it’s worked before.

OK, panicky is probably never a good solution.

So that’s one of the things I’m up to. Figuring out what to do with my current food thing, which is my always food thing. It’s sometimes harder, sometimes easier. Sometimes it effortless; feeding my spirit while I feed my body with beautiful food that makes me feel great.

Just writing this actually makes it feel not quite so big.  This is part of who I am.  It’s part of my history, it’s taught me many things.  I’m happy to have accomplished the radically improved health that I enjoy now.

I’m sure I’ll get to the bottom of this current struggle.  There’s always something to be gleaned.

How are you doing with the food thing this holiday season?

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Am I healthy enough?

An interesting question was raised by John Barban over here.  One I’ve been pondering a lot in the last year or so. I’ve weighed the same, within about a 5 lb range, for the last 2 years. Prior to that I lost a little over 100 lbs.

I’ve spent a good part of these last two years feeling dissatisfied. Irritated with an unfinished project. Unhappy that these last 20 lbs or so refuse to leave. Disgruntled with the extra skin, certain areas that are still flabby, etc.

See, because I had an idea of what I thought healthy was, which entailed a certain number on a scale and a certain jeans size.

Spending two years dissatisfied is not necessarily a healthy state of mind either.

Am I healthy?

I’m outside ideal weight and BMI ranges. However, my general shape is nice and I fit in what they say is the “average” size for an American female.  My numbers are stellar and have been for 2.5 years or so. Cholesterol went down, low BP, etc.  My doc said I’m the poster child for getting healthy the right way, after years of trying to get me to take statin drugs.  I eat to fuel my body with healthy, whole food and exercise regularly.  I’ve turned around many negative health behaviors.

My husband and I recently got a quote for life insurance. After they did the physical/blood work stuff, my insurance guy (he’s a young thing, probably thought my 40 y/o self and hubby were on a downhill slide away from healthy) called me back and said, “You guys are really healthy, aren’t you?”

“We try,” I said.

He informed me that our rates were going to be a healthy amount lower than his actuarial tables had told him to quote us, based on the results of the medical workup.

How often does that happen?

I have no idea, but I felt I must be doing something right.

So here’s what I’m left trying to figure out:

  1. How to remember to be grateful for how healthy I am.
  2. How to accept the physical shape I have.
  3. How to lose the last 20 lbs.
  4. Whether or not that’s an attainable goal.

I trust that I will if I keep my intent on being mindful and continue to do what feels right for me.

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